Pro Pub Player's Perfectly Perturbed Plebs.

Hey ho, peasants. The lord of Pub games has arrived once more to introduce you to the mind-numbing events that occur in the wonderful world of Dota 2.

Today I have a special treat for you, as this is one of those times when it's a whole cluster**** of failure. Not by me though. Nah. Never by me.

Rule #1 of this series: none of the fails displayed here are ever my fault. Ever. Don't even consider it.

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On with the story!

All was quiet in the hero selection screen. Not a single person was making a sound, trying desperately to find the hero they wanted to fail at- I mean play. Eventually the enemy got the first pick, and a Russian by the name of *Insert Russian characters here* instalocked a Pudge. Always a good sign.

I was gifted the godlike power of the second pick. Do I counterpick the pudge for an easy lane? Do I set the course for the rest of the picks? Infinite choices, packed into a 40 second segment. I needed to decide. The fate of t…
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It as been a long time since my last pathetic pub experience, but with these lessened occasions comes a downside. The ones that DO show up are considerably worse.

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Beginning the game:
My teammates were a 4 stack. Normally I do not mind this, but when all four of them are insisting I play a hero I said I couldn't play all that well, I find myself hating it.

For example, the team wanted their team to look like this:
- Tiny
- Io
- Brewmaster
- Nature's Prophet
- Juggernaut
They all wanted me to be the wisp, because of course none of them want to support, let's make the random guy do it, even if he INSISTS that he cannot support, much less a hero like wisp!

So instead I pick a support i'm more comfortable with: Shadow Demon.

Take one guess as to the kind of things they began saying to me. Here's a hint.

"Wtf why are you ruining the strat?"
"You lost us the game. GG."

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I think one particular moment is best described with a Pokémon battle.

*A wild enemy Pudge appears*
*Tiny used Avala…
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The pro pub player's pudge experience

So here we are again, waiting to laugh at my misfortune of being stuck with stupid/hateful/passive-aggressive teammates. We've done this twice already, here's the next instalment.

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Regular pub game (New UI is freaking BALLER, by the way) with a surprisingly good team lineup (for a pub game):
- Pudge
- Clinkz
- Witch Doctor
- Slark
- Skywrath Mage

Now, I normally don't play pudge, but the heroes they picked just BEGGED for a hero like Pudge:
- Queen of Pain
- Venomancer
- Sniper
- Crystal Maiden
- Faceless Void

I mean...LOOK HOW SQUISHY!

Anyway the moment I last pick Pudge (I'm a prick, I know.) and join the game, the Witch doctor and Venomancer both say: "Wow. Pudge playing prick." Yeah, not giving me high hopes for the game. I was later justified in thinking this.

So obviously I go mid and farm, vs QoP. I did surprisingly well against this Qop, and landed three hooks on her (only one of them netted me a kill though :P).
The QoP player was …
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Soon after the Riki incident, I reached the point in pubs where nobody plays the stupid invisible goat anymore. That has nothing to do with my story today, but I felt like mentioning it.

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The Mirana
This one happened just today. Recently I had been using the community market in order to get items. Mostly for Omniknight and Invoker, so I decided to pick the former for this game.

This is how my team composition looked:

-

Mirana
- Omniknight
- Phantom Assassin
- Spirit Breaker
- Puck


And this is how the enemy team looked:

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Viper
- Huskar
- Jakiro
- Legion Commander
- Vengeful Spirit


As you can probably guess, I wanted Omniknight In order to counter their three carries. The plan I had in my head was this: (Keep in mind I was on the Radiant team) Mirana and Spirit Breaker top, Puck mid. That would leave me and Phantom Assassin bottom.

As with the Riki tale, there were signs which showed me my game was going to go south quickly. The first of these was the Mirana's name.…
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After a long day at school, I like to think that a game of dota 2 will cheer me up. The usual loaders and then on to character selection. I pick my ever useful Furion and am about to settle into my gaming mindset when suddenly, from my own team,
"Noob Furion picker! Reported!"
I stare at the screen, hoping that this is just a stupid one off troll. I was sadly mistaken.
The first sign was (after calling Furion nooby) picking Riki.
I clutch my head in order to prevent a deadly facetable, hoping against hope that he was a good player.

Why am I such a naive idiot?

The game begins and the usual jungle items appear in my inventory. I decide to risk a look at Riki's item slots. I only see one item. A recipe for a wraith band, and nothing else.

I stare at my screen, slowly accepting the fact that this riki was not a troll. Just an idiot.

(CUE EPIC LANING PHASE DESCRIPTION)

Riki is bot, whilst I hang in radiant's jungle. The Riki wasn't that bad at last hits. He was actually pretty good. …
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