The pro pub player's pudge experience

So here we are again, waiting to laugh at my misfortune of being stuck with stupid/hateful/passive-aggressive teammates. We've done this twice already, here's the next instalment.

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Regular pub game (New UI is freaking BALLER, by the way) with a surprisingly good team lineup (for a pub game):
- Pudge
- Clinkz
- Witch Doctor
- Slark
- Skywrath Mage

Now, I normally don't play pudge, but the heroes they picked just BEGGED for a hero like Pudge:
- Queen of Pain
- Venomancer
- Sniper
- Crystal Maiden
- Faceless Void

I mean...LOOK HOW SQUISHY!

Anyway the moment I last pick Pudge (I'm a prick, I know.) and join the game, the Witch doctor and Venomancer both say: "Wow. Pudge playing prick." Yeah, not giving me high hopes for the game. I was later justified in thinking this.

So obviously I go mid and farm, vs QoP. I did surprisingly well against this Qop, and landed three hooks on her (only one of them netted me a kill though :P).
The QoP player was …
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Pro Pub Player's Perfectly Perturbed Plebs.

Hey ho, peasants. The lord of Pub games has arrived once more to introduce you to the mind-numbing events that occur in the wonderful world of Dota 2.

Today I have a special treat for you, as this is one of those times when it's a whole cluster**** of failure. Not by me though. Nah. Never by me.

Rule #1 of this series: none of the fails displayed here are ever my fault. Ever. Don't even consider it.

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On with the story!

All was quiet in the hero selection screen. Not a single person was making a sound, trying desperately to find the hero they wanted to fail at- I mean play. Eventually the enemy got the first pick, and a Russian by the name of *Insert Russian characters here* instalocked a Pudge. Always a good sign.

I was gifted the godlike power of the second pick. Do I counterpick the pudge for an easy lane? Do I set the course for the rest of the picks? Infinite choices, packed into a 40 second segment. I needed to decide. The fate of t…
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