It as been a long time since my last pathetic pub experience, but with these lessened occasions comes a downside. The ones that DO show up are considerably worse.

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Beginning the game:
My teammates were a 4 stack. Normally I do not mind this, but when all four of them are insisting I play a hero I said I couldn't play all that well, I find myself hating it.

For example, the team wanted their team to look like this:
- Tiny
- Io
- Brewmaster
- Nature's Prophet
- Juggernaut
They all wanted me to be the wisp, because of course none of them want to support, let's make the random guy do it, even if he INSISTS that he cannot support, much less a hero like wisp!

So instead I pick a support i'm more comfortable with: Shadow Demon.

Take one guess as to the kind of things they began saying to me. Here's a hint.

"Wtf why are you ruining the strat?"
"You lost us the game. GG."

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I think one particular moment is best described with a Pokémon battle.

*A wild enemy Pudge appears*
*Tiny used Avala…
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Pro Pub Player's Perfectly Perturbed Plebs.

Hey ho, peasants. The lord of Pub games has arrived once more to introduce you to the mind-numbing events that occur in the wonderful world of Dota 2.

Today I have a special treat for you, as this is one of those times when it's a whole cluster**** of failure. Not by me though. Nah. Never by me.

Rule #1 of this series: none of the fails displayed here are ever my fault. Ever. Don't even consider it.

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On with the story!

All was quiet in the hero selection screen. Not a single person was making a sound, trying desperately to find the hero they wanted to fail at- I mean play. Eventually the enemy got the first pick, and a Russian by the name of *Insert Russian characters here* instalocked a Pudge. Always a good sign.

I was gifted the godlike power of the second pick. Do I counterpick the pudge for an easy lane? Do I set the course for the rest of the picks? Infinite choices, packed into a 40 second segment. I needed to decide. The fate of t…
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