The pro pub player.

After a long day at school, I like to think that a game of dota 2 will cheer me up. The usual loaders and then on to character selection. I pick my ever useful Furion and am about to settle into my gaming mindset when suddenly, from my own team,
"Noob Furion picker! Reported!"
I stare at the screen, hoping that this is just a stupid one off troll. I was sadly mistaken.
The first sign was (after calling Furion nooby) picking Riki.
I clutch my head in order to prevent a deadly facetable, hoping against hope that he was a good player.

Why am I such a naive idiot?

The game begins and the usual jungle items appear in my inventory. I decide to risk a look at Riki's item slots. I only see one item. A recipe for a wraith band, and nothing else.

I stare at my screen, slowly accepting the fact that this riki was not a troll. Just an idiot.

(CUE EPIC LANING PHASE DESCRIPTION)

Riki is bot, whilst I hang in radiant's jungle. The Riki wasn't that bad at last hits. He was actually pretty good. I just allow myself a sliver of hope...And then he decides to tower dive an enemy Axe on full hp. He didn't ping or say that he was going to attack.

After the inevitable failure, our good old friend Riki says:

"Nub Prophet didn't help at all. Uninstill dota!" and other such ******edness.

I am now gonna skip mid game entirely and go right to the final pushes.

5 enemies pushing our weak team. We didn't have enough leve
S or items to stop them. However. I channeled the ancient power of rat dota and killed the enemy ancient JUST before they finished ours.

Riki had gone 1-30-3, and his parting words were:
"ez game. Prophet lucked. Commend."


And so ended my patience for Riki players.

I shut my internet off, and cried for the death of my faith in humanity.