How to take constructive criticism?

So I just played a game with a group of people from my friends list. There was one particular player that I was hesitant in inviting due to his behavior, let's called him ****. I said to myself "**** it" and invited **** because why the hell not. Not only did **** make the game so much harder than it should be, he didn't listen to any suggestions and didn't take his own advice. I wouldn't have had much of a problem with this but the behavior and comments that tirades throughout the game was the "last straw" for me.

**** disregarded my suggestions for item choices, fine. **** made some poor choices, no problem. What really broke the camel's back was ****'s serious response "yeah I have the experience" when one of my dota friends jokingly commented "you're so good" (this part after ****'s comment was hazy, but it's what I can remember).

So what do I do after the game? I had a very blunt talk with him, here's the conversation

This is not what you're suppose to do when you take constructive criticism and not how a grown *** man is suppose to act. This is a self-destructive pre-teen level behavior, which is sort of surprising because of what he use to do (not going to go in detail). This is an acute example of someone that fails to see his own mistakes and disregards everybody else. Dota may be just a game but how you react in life and how you behave seeps through like a knife through thin plastic, opening a big hole that shows your true self.

If "****" happens to come by this forum, let's talk. Everybody else, let's discuss constructive criticism.

the name is kinda still visible.

Let's spam his Steam profile then! I even have some ASCII messages!

Woops fixed

the ability to objectively look at ones own opinions and actions is not taught nowadays that why we have the world in the state its in ....

imagine if everyone was taught that they aren't right all the time and that they dont know everything...

just imagine that world for a second...

people like that, that cant take advice are ... not to sound snobbish but ... below me. i had many a game with this guy and all was fine then after this game with him i said these exact words.

"hey man just throwing this out there because i dont know if you know this or not but if you press tab during primal split it will cycle through your spirits with out you having to click them."

his response" **** off ****head you dont know ****, you cant do that and if you do that then your a noob"...

im sure hes out there somewhere still clicking on them to change spirits ....

NOTES:****************************

the way you approached it was a tad forceful. dont prefix things with basically "i know better" it makes you sound like a huge ****. prefix things with a soft intro like

" hey dude that was a rough game hey why did you build this? ohhh right well i think a better item might have been this because of this this this ive seen "insert pro player here" use it before in that situation and he wrecked"

and you kinda went for his jugular in there as well so i feel you might have just got super pissed off and couldnt give a **** about him and wanted him to know that he was being a **** in game and that he shouldnt do that??

considering your initial chat that message u sent him was incredibly passive aggressive so i wouldnt call it constructive criticism. that was just plain out criticism.

constructive criticism is when you say what they did wrong then offer them 2-3 ways they could have done it better then finish with a helpful conclusion.

honestly he sounds like a ****.

but in saying that ... you went straight for his throat.

Yeah, upon reading I felt that Nub was not 100% holy too. Tbh, if I would be approached in such a way, I would just del this "constructive critic" too. I dunno what happened in the game though, but from side it seems like you kinda acted the similar way and tried to teach someone without asking if he wanted to be taught. I think just deleting him would work better than having to play the teacher.

Honest advice : Never say "I have a higher MMR than you therefore you should listen to my advice". Ever. You'll just make enemies and sound like a prick.

I mean, it was a good attempt,but you have to realize that people generally don't take nicely to someone telling them that they have to listen to you as you have higher mmr

The culprit

The only thing that you can blame this on is, society.

No joke, it is the pressures of the society that forces one to "defend his honor", or to demean others.Society today encourages competition among peers which is fine,but what society fails to do is set limits to which competition should be taken.One of the basic maneuvers that one might resort to when confronted about his own mistakes is to outright refute it and abuse the confronter in a demeaning manner.The concept of respect is concretely but badly-defined in our minds.We think that the best way to gain respect is by reducing the respect that others command.This is like hurting somebody just because he lives a better life than you.

Its due to this simple misinformation that social differences become impossible to solve,that ancient feuds are refused to be forgotten,that we can't still become the ideal global community we deserve to live in.

The solution

When someone actually sits down and thinks open mindedly about what he said in the heat of the moment,one realizes that he was wrong.He shouldn't have called the poor Crystal Maiden a feeder just because he himself was unable to farm in a tri-lane against an offlane anti mage.

When playing a game with a diverse player base, one must realize that the values that have been imbibed in you by your parents or your community might not apply to other communities all over the world.This implies that you have to be patient when playing with people you don't know. Do Not Ping them.It tends to get frustrating after a while.

Update your chat wheel.Add sentences like,"no problem" and "good ganking!" and "very nicely done!" to encourage your counterparts to do their best to win this game.

Do not flame at them.Keep consoling them,explaining to them that games like these happen,even defend them if other team-mates decide to be rude smart-***es,thus gaining their trust.

If they don't want to be helped.....**** THEM.

Nubtrain. If you observe the steam load screen it says some things of wisdom.
Be kind to new players, everyone has to start somewhere.
Remain calm, it is just a game.

I point these at you and insinuate one thing: You owe him nothing. He is not anakin and you are not yoda. He never came for advice. Constructive criticism starts with the willingness of the receiver.

Next time someone plays bad tell them they need help, thats it. You owe people nothing like the world owes you nothing;it came first. Period.

I know it was forceful but I've played with **** many times before, from the days before Atlas became admin. **** has not improved at all for the past 3 years and he was being condescending to everybody. I wouldn't have minded his play if he didn't patronize everybody on the team by telling everybody what we should've/could've done when he doesn't follow his own advice.

However, you're right that I was passive aggressive and went straight for his throat, I probably should've cleared my head before I started typing. I was pretty pissed at ****, he didn't improve at all and he talked **** all game in both matches.



I didn't want to delete him nor did I want to teach him (tried long ago) I wanted him to realize how much of an *** he was being. I wanted to play with **** more and that's why I was very blunt with him. **** had potential to be a cool dude, very outspoken but in all negative aspects. I wasn't playing teacher, nor did I want to teach him. I wanted **** to realize that he has not improved at all and to stop talking **** all game.



That's the thing, **** ingame flaunted knowledge and experience, that's the only reason I even stated that. If anything, I could've approached differently but we've tried. ****'s behavior and how he reacted to everything was very irritating. I probably should've started off with something else but I was pretty pissed.

TL;DR: This was constructive criticism of his behavior, not how he played. I've already mentioned that I didn't mind his play and it was his behavior that bothered me the most. I was hoping for a conversation with **** but instead I was deleted and disregarded.