Forge of Creation #3 - Voting !

So my notebook crashed after I reviewed for 30 mins or so, and I probably gonna post mine later.

So I got a little grumpy after the previous crash, so the marks may not be better. Sorry guys :(

Bear in mind that I am quite harsh at scores for originalities and coherence. No offence please.




Thread

R: 8.5
L: 8.5
O: 7.5
C: 8.5

Fine relations and lenght, though the idea is kinda unoriginal, although I quite liked it. However, the orientation and climax difference is kinda overwhelming.


Terathiel

R: 8
L: 9
O: 7.5
C: 9

I love classic stories like this, with the reputation and all. However, its a bit unoriginal IMO and the part where he puts and eye on his tusks is a little gory, and I would like it a little bit more if you used the word "pride"


Porygon

R: 9
L: 5
O: 7
C: 8.5

Cool story, but yet again a little unoriginal. I love the vocabularies (i cant get 'plethora' out of my mind), but the lenght is too much. I love how you used a council of mages, though.


Yzreel

R: 10
L: 9
O: 9
C: 9

I love this story, really. And you also gave a good lenght, unique idea, and 'The First Day' is a part of the lore I dont even know, and using forgotten lores made it better. The only bad thing is how you didnt mention 'Olympus' as a name.



Smuggles (E're we go)

R: 6
L: 3
O: 9
C: 6

Very original, I must say. However, you changed Oglodi to Orcs, which is a big deal assuming this contest is about Dota2 (I love the reference to Counter Helix, though). Its too long, and there are many punctuations and capital errors.



Cuttleboss

R: 8.5
L: 8
O: 7.5
C: 8

A simple read, actually. Decent relationship with the universe, and the lenght is good. But once again, idea is unoriginal. Coherence arent that high/low because of simplicity, but why is the bugs defending an artifact of Avernus? A little overwhelming.



TheSofa

R: 8
L: 8
O: 8.5
C: 7.5

This has great potential, really. But if you add another story inbeetween the two paragraphs, the marks are obviously better



KoDyAbAbA (geez your name is too hard to write)

R: 8
L: 7
O: 8
C: 5

Sorry, but the story is dull and boring. The originalities and relationships are fine, but the lenght and the story is a little out of the line with evil Beastmaster




BKvoiceover (but i gave u permission to make songs/poems)

R: 8
L: 5
O: 8.5
C: 9

Good relations and originalities, although it was quite long. It was a little overwhelming how he destroyed his own world by doing what he was supposed to do.



kkoopman3

R: 9
L: 10
O: 7.5
C: 9

Simple and to the point. I think this story fits a Dota2 lore pretty well. The part where he was banished due to his face is a little overwhelming, though.


I'm done. Phew!

Unscathed
ThreadOfFate
Terathial
Porygon361
Yzreel
Smuggels
Cuttleboss
TheSofa (me)
KoDyAbAbA
BKVoiceover
kkoopman3
Therapy??

HOLD ON A SECOND

Therapy, you aren't supposed to vote because you didn't submit anything. Your name wasn't on the original post. :C

btw, voting closes on Wednesday correct? If so, everyone get your votes in pronto. You've got 2 days.

@TheFineSofa I think he is permitted. In the last FoC, some people not entering the contest is permitted to vote. Go ask Wulfstan.

Yes, he is allowed. Voting closes tomorrow people, are you doing this again to me?

Unscathed

R: 7.5 (would have been higher, but the verse "The Galaxy empty/the stars ceased to be" suggested that there were no more stars, while in other lores there is mention of constellations, indicating the presence of said stars)
L: 8
O: 9 (the poem style earned you extra points :D)
C: 7 (some grammatical errors here and there)

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ThreadOfFate

R: 7 (sorry thread, but voice lines from other heroes and Chaos Knight himself say that he is a fundamental, yet there is no mention of what a fundamental is or does.)
L: 8 (gr8 m8, would r8 8/8)
O: 8
C: 8

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Terathiel

R: 8
L: 9
O: 7
C: 9 (great vocabulary and grammar gave you a boost :P)

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Yzreel

R: 9 (Zeus not being a true god does explain why he is just as weak as a mortal hero. Lore also articulates well his pride and arrogance.)
L: 8
O: 7
C: 7 (generally ok, with the presence of some minor grammatical errors and repetition)

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Smuggels

R: 7.5
L: 5 (Wall-of-Text style makes it fairly difficult to read)
O: 9 (strange but interesting)
C: 7 (10/10 would read again, if it weren't for many minor errors. Would still read again though.)

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Cuttleboss

R: 9 (great connections to the dota universe all around)
L: 8 (I like stories of this length)
O: 8
C: 6 (strange sentence structures and grammar)

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TheSofa

R: 6.5 (not many references to the dota 2 universe, not much explanation as to why the bear became a spirit bear after dying)
L: 7
O: 8
C: 8

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KoDyAbAbA

R: 6 (Beastmaster isn't a hunter in dota 2, he is some animal-loving Bear Grylls guy.)
L: 6 (kinda long)
O: 8
C: 5 (perhaps you should add some necessary spaces and capitalise the first letter of the first word in a sentence.)

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BKvoiceover

R: 8
L: 5 (very long, like mine)
O: 9 (love the whole story!)
C: 9 (Woooooooooooooooooo)

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kkoopman3

R: 7
L: 7 (a little short. You could have at least depicted the accident which caused Dazzle's disfigurement.)
O: 7
C: 8

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Now that I'm here, I'd like to inform you guys that I will be less active on the site once again due to my year-end examinations. They're really important and I've got to study hard. Wish me luck!

@Porygon Hope you came back, pory!

In the meantime... one less contender removed :)

Unscathed

R: 8.5
L: 7
O: 7.5
C: 9

As for the relationship, you did mention Enigma and his abilities but it wasn't tied back to the DotA universe so well. It also felt a bit short, not that I'm one to talk based on my lore.

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ThreadOfFate

R: 6
L: 9.5
O: 9
C: 9.5

Not really feeling the tie in to the DotA universe. That's it. Really good otherwise!

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Terathiel

R: 9.5
L: 8
O: 9
C: 10

Loving the mention of Tusk. The lore was also very well written and organized.

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Porygon361

R: 8
L: 6
O: 10
C: 9

As you said, it was a bit lengthy.

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Yzreel

R: 8.5
L: 9.5
O: 10
C: 7.5

The grammar was a bit dodgy, but, as usual, very well done Yzreel!

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Smuggels

R: 6
L: 5
O: 9
C: 8.5

This is basically a mini novel. I also felt that there was WAAAAY too much dialogue included in the backstory of this character.

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Cuttleboss

R: 9.5
L: 10
O: 8
C: 6.5

I realize that English probably isn't your first language but I'm a stickler for grammar. Very nice tie-ins with the lamp and Nyx, though.

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TheSofa

R: 8.5
L: 8
O: 8
C: 9.5

A bit short I felt. I would have liked some fleshing out of the battle, even though it wasn't the point of the lore. Good relationship to his summon spirit bear ability.

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KoDyAbAbA

R: 9
L: 9
O: 9.5
C: 8

Very nice background of Magnus. I like the Beastmaster mention.

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BKvoiceover

R: 8
L: 7
O: 9
C: 8

This one was a bit long. That's basically all I have to say about it.

Refer to original post. I crossed of some more.