Whatever let's get into it. Nobody reads my intros anyway so nobody will read this sentence and if they do read this sentence they'll realise it's excessively long and doesn't really serve a purpose except to confuse the people that do read this intro into no longer reading the intro which makes this sentence even more pointless.
General
-Roshan now gives 250 (up from 200) gold to the team that defeats him. Snatching the Aegis now grants 200 gold to the team that does so. Roshan kills before the 1-minute mark award a bonus 100 gold.
I still want to see crazy risk-taking Rosh shenanigans.
-Heroes are now credited with assists if they helped with non-damaging abilities such as
Overgrowth and 
Global Silence. 
Shackleshot is excepted from this rule.-Heroes are now granted double their normal attribute gain from level 24 to 25. This is only to appease OCD.
(For example, an Invoker hitting level 25 would gain 3.4 Strength, 3.8 Agility and 6.4 Intelligence, rather than 1.7/1.9/3.2.)
-Hellbear Smasher damage reduced to 44-50.
-Hellbear damage reduced to 36-41.
-Swiftness Aura attack speed increased to 25.
-Dark Troll Summoner Skeleton Warrior movement speed increased to 315.
-Dark Troll Summoner Ensnare cooldown decreased to 13.
The following abilities now disjoint projectiles:
Time Walk, 
Haunt, 
Icarus Dive, 
Town Portal Scroll, 
Activate Fire RemnantHeroes
Abaddon-If cast on an enemy,
Mist Coil now inflicts the target with Abaddon's current level of 
Curse of Avernus.-
Mist Coil damage rescaled to 100/175/250/300. Self-damage rescaled to 50/90/125/150.-
Aphotic Shield cast point improved to 0.35.
Alchemist-
Greevil's Greed gold cap reduced to 12/16/20/24.-
Greevil's Greed now has an active that instantly kills a creep and grants 200 gold. This ability has a 70 second cooldown.-
Chemical Rage now grants 3/5/7 bonus armour.-
Chemical Rage base attack time reduced to 1.4/1.3/1.2.-
Chemical Rage duration increased to 30.I'm sick of this hero ruining games so this is a rework intended to turn him into a #3 or even a #4 that transitions ito an aura carrier.
Bane-
Enfeeble can now be dispelled.
Clinkz-For the love of god, improve his attack animation.
-Intelligence gain increased to 1.95.
Dark Seer-
Vacuum cooldown reduced from 28 to 28/24/20/16.-
Vacuum damage increased to 90/140/190/240.-Cast point improved to 0.2. Cast backswing remains the same.
Death Prophet-Added an Aghanim's Scepter upgrade for Death Prophet. Spirits now reduce the armour of targets they pass through by 1, with a maximum of 4/6/8 reduced armour.
Disruptor-
Glimpse replaced with something that doesn't make me want to hang myself from a lamppost.
Dragon Knight-If a tower is killed while affected by Corrosive Breath, Glyph of Fortification is not reset.
Drow Ranger-Agility gain increased to 2.3.
Ember Spirit-Activate Fire Remnant cast point increased to 0.3.
Gyrocopter-
Flak Cannon count increased from 3/4/5/6 to 4/5/6/7.-
Flak Cannon cooldown reduced to 25.-Aghanim's Scepter side gunner now attacks with the same attack speed as Gyrocopter himself, and has an additional +30 damage.
Huskar-Burning Spears damage per second reduced from 5/10/15/20 to 5/8/11/14.
-Agility gain increased from 1.4 to 2.2.
-
Berserker's Blood now grants 3/4/5/6 bonus damage per stack in addition to its other benefits.
Legion Commander-Base attack time reduced to 1.55.
Lone Druid-Entangle now disables the following abilities: Ball Lightning, Activate Fire Remnant, Time Walk, Waveform, Timberchain, Rolling Boulder, Leap.
-Altered Aghanim's Scepter effect: Causes the bear to gain bonuses based on the Druid's stats. 10HP for every Strength, 1 damage for every 2 Agility, 1 armour for every 10 Agility. No longer allows the bear to attack at any distance from the Druid; instead increases the leash range to 2500.
-True Form movespeed loss reduced to 35.
I still want stats bear.
Luna-
Moon Glaives bounces rescaled from 1/2/3/6 to 3/4/5/6.-
Lunar Blessing damage rescaled from 14/22/30/38 to 10 + 10/15/20/25% of Luna's Agility.-Attack range increased to 410.
Seriously, the scaling on that steroid triggers me so hard. Almost as bad as patch notes in non-alphabetical order HAMSTER
Medusa-Base Strength increased to 16.
-Base damage increased by 7.
-Attack animation improved to 0.4/0.6.
-Agility gain increased to 2.8.
She's pretty fine on anything but damage. The buffs to health really hurt her, and now Medusa is in serious need of any form of damage buff.
Mirana-Base damage increased by 5.
-Hitting a creep over level 5 with Sacred Arrow will now refund 50 mana.
Morphling-Base damage increased by 2.
-Strength gain increased to 2.3.
-Replicate cast point increased to 0.3.
-A Morphling with Aghanim's Scepter can now cast Hybrid on himself, which will create an illusion of Morphling that does 25%/50%/75% of the Hero's damage. The illusion takes 300% damage.
Instant escapes like that are pure cancer, and I say this as a Morphling player.
Omniknight-Repel duration reduced to 6/7/8/9.
Outworld Devourer
-Agility gain increased to 2.45.
Phantom Assassin-Stifling Dagger cooldown increased to 10 seconds.
-Phantom Strike reworked.
Phantom Strike-Blur reworked.
Blur-Coup de Grace critical strike chance increased to 20%.
-Coup de Grace critical strike modifier decreased to 200%/275%/350%.
-Whenever Coup de Grace critically strikes, the cooldowns on Phantom Assassin's spells are reset.
Phantom Lancer-Base attack time improved to 1.55.
-
Doppelganger illusion damage increased to 40%/0%.-
Doppelganger illusion duration increased to 20.
Riki-
Blink Strike range reduced from 800 to 500/600/700/800.
Shadow Demon-
Shadow Poison now stacks up through spell immunity.-
Shadow Poison cooldown reduced to 2 seconds.-Purge capabilities of
Demonic Purge improved. Is now a strong purge.
Silencer-Movement speed increased to 315.
-Base armour increased by 3.
-
Arcane Curse damage increased to 15/25/35/45.-
Arcane Curse slow increased to 15%/20%/25%/30%.-
Last Word initial debuff duration reduced to 2.-
Last Word now slows the target's movement and attack speed by 40% during the initial debuff.
Spectre-Turn rate improved to 0.7.
-
Spectral Dagger now deals pure damage.-
Desolate search radius reduced to 275.-
Dispersion damage now disables Blink Dagger if it deals over 10 damage.-Removed the 1 second delay on
Haunt before illusions attack.-Added an Aghanim's upgrade for Spectre. Haunt outgoing illusion damage increased to 50%. Illusions of Spectre now gain Dispersion.
Sven-Base damage reduced by 6.
-
Storm Hammer damage reduced to 50/150/250/325.-
Storm Hammer cooldown increased to 25/21/17/13.-
Warcry cooldown rescaled to 30/26/22/18.-
Warcry radius decreased to 400.So much here. Less damage makes his early lane and his farming speed slightly slower, nerfs to
Storm Hammer make the 1/4/4 build worse, and Warcry is a bit less ********.
Terrorblade-Base armour reduced by 1.
-Conjure Image illusion damage reduced to 15%/30%/45%/60%.
Minor nerfs, and it hurt to do this. His early pushing is affected by this until level 8, which means his lane domination is lessened. There are also other pushing options available now.
Timbersaw-
Whirling Death stat reduction reduced to 10%.-
Whirling Death stat reduction duration reduced to 8.-
Whirling Death damage reduced to 100/140/180/220.-Timberchain mana cost increased to 60/75/90/105.
-
Chakram slow per missing heath reduced to 3%.
Tiny-Agility gain increased to 1.5.
-
Avalanche cooldown reduced to 13.-
Craggy Exterior bonus armour increased to 3/4/5/6.-
Grow attack speed loss reduced to 15/25/35.-Aghanim's Scepter now gives Tiny a 30% chance to slow for 20% for 3 seconds on attack in addition to its other effects.
Note that this mostly buffs him without a Wisp on his ****.
Troll Warlord-Base damage increased by 6.
Weaver-Base attack time increased to 1.7.
-
Geminate Attack cooldown reduced to 5/4/3/2.Items
-Aghanim's Scepter can now be built with any combination of Ogre Club, Staff of Wizardry or Blade of Alacrity.
Essentially, this just buffs Aghs for carries that don't really want +10 to all stats and would rather a more flexible option.
-Black King Bar can now be upgraded to level 2. Level 2 Black King Bar does not refresh the spell immunity timer, but the minimum duration is 6.5 seconds.
+10/14 Strength
+24/32 damage
-Diffusal Blade can now be upgraded to level 3. Level 2 has been rescaled accordingly.
+20/30/40 Agility
+6/10/15 Intelligence
+40/50/60 mana burn (20/25/30 on illusions)
-Orchid Malevolence now grants +30 Intelligence (up from +25).
-Recipe cost reduced to 675.
-Dagon now grants +5/7/9/11/13 to Agility and Strength, rather than +3. Intelligence boost remains the same. Killing a Hero with Dagon's active now causes a lens flare to move across your screen.
-Manta Style cooldown is now 35 for both modes. Both ranged and melee illusions now take 350% damage.
-Sacred Relic cost decreased to 3600.
With all the nerfs to creep gold in the early-game, it's much harder to pull off something like a
Radiance rush, which this seeks to mitigate.-NEW ITEM: Izura (2050)
Ingredients: Staff of Wizardry, Robe of the Magi, Recipe (600)
+16 Intelligence
+50% mana regeneration
+5% spell damage
On that note…
Izura upgrades-NEW ITEM: Greaves of Omnipresence (5650)
Ingredients: Boots of Travel, Ultimate Orb, Recipe (1100)
+100 Movement Speed
+15 all stats
+15 attack speed
+15 damage
Active: Greater Teleport
Teleports you to an allied unit or structure. If the unit or structure dies during the channel, the cooldown is reset.
Mana Cost: 50 Cooldown: 45
Independent of Boots of Travel II upgrade, but also works with the upgrade.
Fin.
Calls it a rodent patch and reworks
Still can't get over non-alphabetical orders used on the wiki.
Keepo :)
All the real patch notes are alphabetical, by general, hero and then items. Don't misgender them PogChamp.