I will try to write them "semi" regularly but i only write them when i feel i have something that can affect those who read them. for example my previous posts have had an effect on some people here at the beloved dotoforo, and i have received pm's thanking me for writing them so i think that to frivolously write a disjointed and unfocused blog just to gain reps and or comments is not what these should be...
i want them to help people and in doing so ive helped myself as well. Thus with that being said i have had a profound experience recently with Doto and considering it ive decided to write about it for all of my fellow dotoforians ...
But first, some backstory.
about 3-5 months ago i transitioned, with some help from a coach and a lot of watching and reading, into a what i think is a better player. i was being placed in higher skill tiers and i was making higher tier friends 4k 5k even a couple of 6k players... and they kept saying... "your MMR doesnt even represent your skill level" and with all praise sometimes ... it goes to your head.
Though i was when solo queing ... in the same tier, i was how do you say ... Pompous? Egotistical? full of myself? i was going into each game EXPECTING to win.
why?
because hey im better then my rating!! thats what these people are telling me!!
so i would go into every game with this "Mind Frame" already built.
i would insta lock a hero and then when anything went wrong... because i was "Better" then my team-mates... it wasn't my fault... since how can it be my fault when im naturally the best on this team...
so for a solid month i had this mind frame.. i played game after game after game with this preconceived frame of mind...
wanna know my win ratio?
first fortnight 9 wins 11 losses
second fortnight 9 wins 11 loses
third fortnight 6 wins 14 losses
4th fortnight 4 wins 16 losses
in fact i had a 14 loss streak in that final month...
14 losses... in a row.
now i pride myself on being able to objectively look at issues... at other people and mostly at my own opinions ... but for some reason it took me nearly 2 months to even think that "I" was the reason for the losses...
How could it be me?? im good... im great...
im...
better...
this was my "eureka" thought... the fact that i would even CONSIDER myself BETTER then anyone else without knowing them... without knowing who they ARE... scared me.
wanna know how racism starts? thats how...
wanna know how prejudice starts? thats how...
here "I" was thinking that i was BETTER then 4 people i have never played with before or even seen play before....
how in the whole world could i have expected to win games when i was already playing against my own team?
so i turned off dota.
i didnt like what i had become...
i was salty in every aspect of the word.
i was a rager, a flamer, a golem... i got reported twice for flaming...
thats not me i thought i dont act like this... whats going on.
so
i thought about it and i came to a realisation. Ever game i went into before i started playing with higher tier players i used to think...
i hope i dont **** up. i hope i pick the right hero. i had better play good this game.
these thoughts were inwards facing, focused on me and my faults that way when we got into the game and someone else made a mistake i was already there... in THAT mindframe. so i wasnt flaming them i was saying "bad luck" "could have happened to anyone"
why?
Because it could have! it could have been me!!
i saw that i had started to focus outward in those few months i would think before every game...
i hope my team isnt ****. i hope i dont get stuck with noobs. i hope i dont have to play with ****** feeders i bet they are going to **** up...
these thoughts already placed me in the mind frame that they WOULD **** up ...so when they eventually did it wasnt like it was the first time for me... in my head they had done it already 5 times or 10...
I cant play like that anymore ...
i couldnt... i would turn off dota angry or sullen or annoyed.
thats not me... thats never me.
so i vowed to change my frame of mind.
i went into every game thinking...
"these are friends i havent met yet"
wanna know what happened to my win rate?
13 wins to 7 losses
13 wins to 7 losses
14 wins to 7 losses
18 wins to 2 losses....
i had a 80% win rate....
80% guys...
i had more fun, i made more friends, i was happy and laughing after every match.
want to know what else happened?
i got put in the high skill bracket...
solo que.
yup.
i was happy, having fun AND IMPROVING.
studies show that our actual data retention rate is boosted by a huge percentage when we are ENJOYING the learning process.
and good lord was i having fun.
now im not saying you cant get a little salty every now and then but
i dont think ill go back to that... i dont think ill return to that mind frame...
that one is locked up and from now on ... im going to go into every game with a new mind frame ...
one that i can have fun with...
try it sometime...
see what happens, trust me its worth it...
You're going to have matches where you're on top of your game and can do no wrong like this one:
http://www.dotabuff.com/matches/1248687268
But you're also going to have matches where you make idiot mistakes and overall are just out of the groove, kind of like this one:
http://www.dotabuff.com/matches/1232641543
You just got to keep learning and be able to shake off poor performances. Maybe then, I can finally get get out off the sub-1k MMR Trench.
And it also wouldn't increse the chance of your books getting published.
awesome write dude. i really like how you put a lot of.. [ENTER]s? and only so little seemed like a paragraph. i even adopted that way of writing.
^ yea its a style of writing i picked up when i was writing speeches for people. You use the "void/space/enter's?;)" to convey spoken/unspoken actions.
by having a "..." most people instinctively slow there reading down. if you have it within a sentence people pause in their mental reading.
by having a lot of empty space and what is called "staggered sentences"
i.e
blah blah blah...
blah blah
blah blah blah blah...
it forces the reader adopt a cadence to their reading.
this style of writing i feel is amazing for conveying emotion and impact upon the reader.
but it wont win you any literary prizes. :D :P
continue this, please
^ and i shall try dude i shall try :)
Enigma is 4K, knows his stuff.
and then there's me. I wanted to play bs but he was adamant on playing blood****ter.alright no sweat.This guy cannot last hit against riki and pheonix. i start with 8 tangoes and a salve for lane sustain for myself, since bloodseeker can sustain in lane pretty easily in lane right? nope. this guy takes silence at level 1 *slow clap*. nobody says anything to him.
We had the a very good early game with the enigma rotating and stunning and my stuns giving the dumb**** enough time to locate the key which denotes the silencing skill.
After that things go downhill. i'm venge, i can only do so much before things start going downhill. this dude doesn't know how to last hit for **** 8 years.
I won't last hit, because i'm stupidly hard-wired with "supports don't farm in lane" mechanism.
And this guy is more stupid than kevin (reddit reference sorry).
Clinkz is offlaning against
And BS has an unnatural attraction for chicken, so chaos ensues.
at minute 15 or so,Enigma has a respectable timed blink, puck is doing okay (remember this is like 5th or 6th time playing puck), i have nothing, and clinkz has treads, 2 sobi masks and is stacking for oblivion staffs.
Our bloodseeker has
Things go down faster than bettie's drawers as bloodseeker gets pegged and puck struggles with the mass euls pickups and i hardly have money for wards. you can see that at one point of time i sacrifice my life to get a ward into the top lane high-ground tower, just so clinkz can farm safely.yes, i'm that desperate.
The game ends with bloodseeker not being able to do anything, missing all his silences and messing up all
Oh boy, after that the *****torm that brews up is phenomenal.All the suppressed anger withing the other 3 people just explodes on BS, abusing him so hard while i'm just sitting here with my popcorn.
Tl;Dr : did my job, ally flamed me, team went ape-**** on him.Enjoyed life.
psst: i got that
The more I analyze rationally and calmly, the more salty I become.
I think I reached my record level of PJSalt. The more I try to look inwards towards my shortcomings the more I see the kind of feeders I have to play with. Last game was 2 vs 5 because of russian ragequitters. Game before was 4 vs 5. Game even before someone picked Techies. Only way to do anything in these games is not to have fun. It's to go full tryhard to compensate for the feed.
And the most fun part is, I don't even flame. Only thing I ever do is put flamers back in their place by reminding them of their glorious 0/10 score as a trilane carry and then mute them. I've never been in low pri even once in my life. I'm a ****ing model of kindness and forgiveness.
Sodium chloride for everyone bois.
also: nice. i always think like this: "so much idiots out there."
but.. i always said that to friends. then i thought, if that is the case, then me and all my friends are facing idiots.
but.. who are the idiots? well nobody, NOBODY is an idiot within my friends.. so.. there is no way i befriend an idiot right? but.. then in that case, idiots are people i dont know.
so.. i thought: if that is the case, then an idiot is nobody: coz there is no way someone i know well is an idiot. so.. the idiots are just bots and phantoms?
but... have we ever pondered who the idiots are? has it ever crossed your minds that maybe, one of us is an idiot?
and ofc... it was still on my mind. but then you write this, and i know that even you might be a scrub slark picker (jks.. or not?).
they say true wisdom is to know the extend of one's ignorance.. and that to know others is wise, but to know ourselves is enligtened.
so: there is a possibility that even we, who thought ourselves so superior, full of our sanctimony and arrogance, might just be a fool. they also said that true wisdom is to know that you are an idiot.
i always thought myself.. better. i blame lag for an excuse if i messed last hits (but.. aus servers are not sea, so..). remember our game where i played slardar not too long ago?
i had abandoned the ways of flaming months ago.. i used to badmouth every idiot on my team, but now if i see someone being bad, i tried to be as polite as possible and gave advice.
i still need to kick away that arrogance feeling it is very hard to kick it out. i will try my best to be a better person. as of writing, i still think myself supreme than some 2k scruberinos, but maybe.. im just full of myself.
dont judge me, but.. i received much of my wisdom from video games.. and even consider myself mature because of assassins creed 3. after i played skyrim, i always thought that arrogance will spell one's demise (i hope i dont mess my grammars here)
smuggles... thanks.. if only dotafire doesnt have rep limits..
continue this, please