Hello one and everyone! Been a while, huh?

Dang right it has. What's your excuse this time, eh? Still job, girlfriend, and the like?

Well that. But also Guild Wars 2! It's super fun! I have a little guild called Mahou Shoujo Fight Club (the tag is [chan]!) and everything is super relaxed and casual.

I... I'm you, and I can never tell when you're kidding.

I'm... why would I be kidding? Do I not seem like the type of person who would run that kind of guild?

... valid point. Anyways, what are you on here about? You realize a lot of your guides are out of date now, right?

Yeah... yeah I need to go back and update those. Particularly Ogre Magi... friggin' Valve, changing the damage values a mere week after I go through all that beautiful, beautiful mathematics. But yeah, I'll get to that. The reason I'm doing this is, now that I'm back playing Dota on a semi-regular basis, I want to answer the age-old question: Am I at all qualified to be giving advice on how to play heroe…
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I felt a little silly when I clicked the 'Ranked Match' option. Not because the idea of me playing in Ranked mode is inherently hilarious, mind you (though for some of you, it surely is), but because as I was waiting for the queue to pop I couldn't help but feel nervous.

As much as I love to think about this game, study its complexities, and rage at the rampant ineptitude of both myself and my friends (typically just myself), it is, at the end of the day, just a game. The fact that there were butterflies in my stomach is a little embarrassing, I think.

But hey, on the flip side: free Butterfly. Can't argue with that.

A full three and a half minutes later I finally get into a game. Graciously, all 10/10 connect on the first try, so I can't give into the temptation to close the game and hide. #Prettypathetic.

The first thing I notice is the average team MMR, both just a little over 2800. As a guy who doesn't specialize in any one hero an…
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Before I start in on the match itself, I think I should make one thing clear, namely my system for deciding when I want to play a Ranked game. Many of you probably played ten games in a row to get your rating, maybe even on the same day. But my mind doesn't work that way; I'm the type of person who peels the bandage off slowly instead of yanking it off all at once, firmly believing it actually IS less painful that way. That being said, this is the system I used to decide to play my second Ranked game.

1) Are friends on? --Yes--> Play unranked. --No--> Proceed to step 2

2) Is there a hero you're itching to practice? --Yes--> Play against bots. --No--> Proceed to step 3

3) Have you had lunch? --Yes--> Proceed to step 4. --No--> Go make lunch.

4) Was lunch a yummy pizza veggie burger? --Yes--> Play Ranked. --No--> Loop back to step 1.

As you can see it's a very complex, meaningful system that always leads to a good outcome. I like it. But since I had a pizza burger the other da…
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Enough stalling. The time to strap the big boy pants back on has come, ladies and gentlemen. My latest adventure into the abject horrors of solo ranked matchmaking is complete, and here I am but a poor, shaken vessel with a keyboard, typing things out if only to keep my sanity.

So you had a pizza burger for lunch?

No, actually, I had leftover frozen pizza and a Guinness. Why do you care?

Because last time... you said... never mind, just get on with it.

The first thing I noticed this time when queuing up was that one of the players are teammates had an MMR of 3170. Apparently, these random, come from behind victories are only serving to place me even MORE out of my league. Q freaking Q.

I was Radiant this time, and we picked first. Since I had an idea of who I wanted to play this time, I scrolled over and hovered over my hero. I waited for a bit for the time to dwindle down, and when nobody objected or selected a hero, I first-picked Undying.

Sweet, wonderful, gummy bear lov…
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I have not been having luck lately when it comes to Dota.

You NEVER have luck when it comes to Dota.

More so, though. Noticeably moreso. Over the last few days I have lost a grand total of SIX matches in a row. It was discouraging. Humbling. And the perfect reason to play another game of ranked!

I... what?

I'm a huge sucker for Gambler's fallacy, man. I made that clear in the last post. I was on a 'cold' streak, so it only makes sense that I had a win 'coming to me', you know? So I decided to lock myself in my room, slip into something comfortable, and play another match of that MMR calibration.

The sample MMRs for this match were 2665 on Radiant (us) and 2657 on Dire. I now fully understand that these are the MMRs of the people whose portraits the numbers are under, and not an average for the team, so I know better than to think that my 6 game un-ranked losing streak caused me to drop out of the 3k bracket I was in last time. I know better... but I couldn't help thinkin…
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Everyone! All five of you who read these! Hold on to your hats and prepare to assume the position because IT. IS. TIME.

Woo. Hooray. So exciting. I'm literally dying of excitement, see? See how excited I am. So excited. Woo.

Why don't you add a 'kappa' to the end there, make the sarcasm even MORE obvious?

Don't have the energy. Cause I'm so excited.

Shush. Anyways, I finally got around to making myself a veggie pizza burger, so I also finally got around to playing my next ranked game. This signals the halfway point of this little series, and we've had some good times, yeah?

Oh yeah. So many...

NOT. TALKING. TO YOU.

Hmph.

When I loaded into my game this time, something... peculiar happened. Something that I've always wanted to happen, yet never actually thought would. Someone recognized me.

Like, someone you knew?

No, I mean like... from this site. They fingered me as 'that guy who writes funny guides on Dotafire'. And I gotta say, when someone recognizes you for yo…
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Both life and Dota put up a lot of resistance to me playing this match.

On the life spectrum: I've been busy working on my grandparents' new apartment, and have spent more time away from my computer than I like to. Between spackling, sanding, painting and what have you I've been a busy beaver. And tired. Very tired. It's been a while since I slept this well.

Nobody cares, talk about Dota.

Thank you, voice of reality. ;_; On the Dota spectrum, when I finally set aside time to do this match, there were a LOT of hiccups. The first time I loaded into a game one of our teammates just sat in fountain until he received an abandon. Thankfully, Valve detected poor network conditions and the match wasn't scored or this would be a very, VERY short and somewhat angry blog post. After that, people failed to load into my game not once, but TWICE. I finally decided to take a break, play some Sunless Sea (amazing, by the way, you should ALL PLAY THIS), and then return to matchmaking, and I…
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Hello one and everyone! Safecyn here. It's been a while, I know, but there was moving Grandparents in and then TI5 and then blah blah blah I PLAYED ANOTHER MATCH, OK?

Yeesh.

That's pretty much how I felt after it ended, yeah.

The MMR standings this time were an average of 2615 on Radiant, our side, and 2616 on Dire. Now I know what you're thinking: "gosh, Safecyn, if you were that outmatched by the enemy team, why didn't you just throw in the towel right then and there?" Well perhaps that's the normal and acceptable reaction, but we Cyndaquils are made of sterner stuff.

I was forced into picking first this match, choosing my hero literally as the timer was about to hit 0 and we were going to start losing gold. Not wanting to bank on any of my teammates picking a support, I went for one myself, opting for Winter Wyvern since she's strong all around and can have a pretty big impact even in the later stages of the game. A few minutes later, and the combatants were set:

…
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Well you've certainly taken your time on this one.

It's not my fault, I swear. Between my job, family issues, and the fact that Dota 2 Reborn wouldn't let me do Ranked matches for a while? I've had some work to do.

Wait... really? You weren't high enough level? That's HILARIOUS.

Shut. Up. At the very least, it didn't reset my calibration matches, so this is in fact Match 8 and not a second Match 1. If it had been reset I... I think I would have just rage quit. XD. Anyways, there's a veggie burger in me, so let's get to... NOPE REBORN CRASHED WHILE WATCHING THE REPLAY AGAIN. GG VULVA. GIVE DIRETIDE. ༼ つ ._. ༽つ

Since it had been a while since I'd played a ranked match, I decided to go with my ultimate comfort pick: Lich. He may not be my BEST hero (an honor that goes to either Undying or Jakiro depending on which I've lost a game with most recently) but he's my most-played hero, and is one of the safest picks in the game, in my opinion. With the recent buffs to…
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Ranked matchmaking seems to have a REALLY hard time deciding what to do with me.

Hot off a three game losing streak (which is really an eight game streak with a nice breath of fresh Zeus pub-stomping air in between), I figured it was as good a time as any to queue up and see if I can get this thing done I promised I would. And I waited. And waited. Ten minutes later I stopped waiting, went and took a shower, did some stretches, set my alarm for work, and queued back up again. This time it only took five minutes. Hooray?

I'm somewhat encouraged by this: after all, longer wait times means there aren't as many people at my level to queue with, right? Then again, the guy who insta-picked Spectre on my team was only 2.7K so... maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up for a 3K+ calibration. 2.4K was my initial prediction, after all.

I was pleasantly surprised by how communicative our team was during the drafting phase: a nice change from previous matches I've played. Our orange said righ…
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There comes a time in the life of every human being on this planet where they must say 'enough is enough'. No longer can things be put off. No longer can dreams be allowed to remain dreams. There is an imperative set by the gods that every man worth his salt, who wishes to prove himself in the ring of honor, must be weighted. Must be judged. And most definitely, must finish what he started.

So this man goes forth upon his final battle, back into the ring for the tenth time, to put an end to the sinister demons of waiting, uncertainty, and the unknown. Beckoning to the gods for their aid, he picks a hero wrought in their image: Zeus, the divine emissary of lightning, lord of thunder, rage, and pub stomps. Perhaps this facsimile of strength will transfer some of its digital splendor upon the man behind the keyboard. Or perhaps he shall be smitten for his arrogance. The combatants are set. May the game begin.

…
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