Living with Dota

I feel that this might be a good idea for me.

To push, what otherwise would be internally processed, outwards.

to release, something that is personal, publicly.

Dota 2 is an amazing game. On the surface it has a basic principle, but when you slowly drag back its outer petals it unfurls into a game of such incredible complexity that the more you play, the more you discover, the more you want to play.

The higher level's of it can be used to train for processed strategic thought, you find yourself, not only looking at 5 factors of one hero but at 20 differing factors that can interact with another 20 factors. This ultimate web of interconnected information is like a deep deep pool of clear water, of which you are at the bottom, every stroke bringing you closer to the top where the light is stronger, it illuminating even more of your surrounds ...yet by doing so it makes you want to climb higher to see more of what surrounds you.

The lower levels can be used for reflex cognitive pathways. when playing Dota you are in fact not only learning, but learning at an incredible rate. your not learning one thing you are learning a multitude of different skills. The pathways and muscle memory and twitch reflexes are incredible, that moment you see something for a split second ... that fraction of a second and then you react within that fraction of a second based purely off your subconscious knowledge is a terrifying and powerful feeling. I like to relate it to catching a bullet out of the air. It happened so fast you hardly even knew you did it but when you realise that you did in fact just do that, you are filled with such electric feeling of power that you want to do it again.

You want to catch that bullet.

You want to feel like that again.

this is what makes Dota addicting to a scary level.

and more so for me.....

i have an IQ rated at 129 on the Wechsler scale meaning i am in second highest bracket.

i have struggled with ADHD and DDD for a long time. I was reading at a university level when i was 8 and writing at one by 12.

In school i failed 4 of my exams but came within the top 1% for the nation for my other two. i completed 3/4ths of a degree but never finished it. I have trouble staying with a single thing/item/person for long. Since i left school i have had nearly 20 jobs. Every single one i have left because i was bored.

I tried sales? made enough money to go on holidays within the first month.

I forgot to go back.:P

I tried managing, office work, government work, manual labour, banking, driving and security.

I finally settled into a logistics company because i constantly have to calculate so many variables and it involves manual work as well. (in down time i write books)

I have hundreds and hundreds of games and have only finished a handful.

Yet

I have not stopped playing Dota, if anything, i have started to play it more. you could say im addicted. In fact a lot of people say i am. Enough to consciously think i might be. But, i ask myself, how can one be addicted to a game? It's not possible!

Me and my ex girlfriend fought tooth and nail over it. I have skipped work to play some Dota. I have cancelled plans with friends to play Dota. I have cancelled dates to play Dota. i have lost time due to playing Dota. I have missed important dates due to playing Dota.

If anything what i just wrote is a prime example of addiction, is it not? One would counsel therapy? or seeking help.

This is the part that is personal.

Dota is good for me.

i have struggled with my ADHD and DDD for a long time. DDD is basically when you act like your not ... you. Some people call it Auto pilot mode. It's called dis-cognitive dissociative disorder. Now ... combine that with ADHD and you have a horrible combination. Imagine you are watching a movie with your girlfriend then the next thing you cognitively acknowledge is that your outside reading a book having just left her watching the movie. You have trouble remembering how you got there, you have trouble knowing WHY you are there. Now think about that when you are actually doing something important say driving to a lunch where your family is waiting, now all of a sudden your inside a game store looking at games! or you have passed the turn off by 20 minutes or you have completely forgotten and you haven't even left home yet because you are so completely engrossed in tracing a complex algorithmic recursive pattern into a tree. (dont laugh i actually did that once :P)

Want to know what happens when i play Dota?

i am 100% aware of what i am doing and why. I know i need to pull i can predict pathing, i can see movement, i extrapolate the positioning of the enemy to know they will engage soon, i see 100 things and i want to know them all, i see 500 things and want to do them all, but the body can only do so much. but during this...

I am 100% there...... 100% ... ME.


That's not addiction. That's Freedom.



Not to say thats the only benefit i have found playing Dota. I am actually able to save money, I have made friends in many many countries that i would never have otherwise have known. I have felt things, i have had things revealed to me in trust. i have met and talked to a variety of people ...just on the ******** street that i would never have done before all because i am wearing a Dota shirt or they are reading something about Dota. I have got fitter because of Dota. I am more focused in my day to day life.

Dota is not a problem.


to me and my particular situation ....


Dota is the Answer.