Bristleback, the Right Proper Basher [6.79 but who gives a shit]

Introduction to the Basher Himself

So you want to play Bristleback, eh? Only 2 buttons, should be easy, right? Simple right click spam Q W gg wp, right?

**** YOU SCRUBLORD!!

This guide will teach you how to play the manliest hero around, spamming skills and getting kills, how to tear faces open with one press of your W key and how to get a rampage from turning your back on a 5 man gank.

Bio:

There once was a lonely little hedgehog living in the wasteland that was DotA 1 who had been forgotten by time. Then one day a little blue frog came to him and offered him a job in DotA 2. He proceeded to own all the scrubs and get all the *****es. The End.


<< **** this guy Bristle pwns him any day

Pros / Cons

PROS

Ultra Tanky
Has pants-****ting damage potential
Great right click animation
Great contribution to teamfights
Great contribution to ganks
Great contribution to pushing
Holy **** this ****ing guy is good at everything

CONS

Pretty ******* bad strength gain for a strength hero
Can peak off late game without decent farm
Can not carry a game most of the time
Eats through mana like a ****ty iPhone game eats through your data
Feeds the magic wands of your enemies

Skills to pay the Bills!

Viscous Nasal Goo

Covers a target in snot, causing it to have reduced armor and movement speed. Multiple casts stack and refresh the duration.
Range: 600
Duration: 5
Armor Reduction: 1/1/2/2
Movement Speed Reduction per Cast: 20% and +3%/+6%/+9%/+12%
Cooldown 1.5 Mana 30

Bristleback gives such a low number of ****s about you he actually just wipes his nose on your *** and leaves you there shaking in horror asking yourself what the **** just happened? Then in three seconds he does it again. And again. And again, until you're so covered in green go you like like Bear Grylls fresh out of the swamps of Louisiana.

This skill also works really well with your ult. Lets say Bristleback sneezes on a scrub three times and then hits them. Thats -8 armor from Viscous Nasal Goo and +30 damage from Warpath. Thats a ****-ton of damage.

Quill Spray

Sprays enemy units with quills dealing damage in an area of effect around Bristleback. Deals bonus damage for every time a unit was hit by Quill Spray in the last 14 seconds.
Radius: 625
Duration: 14
Base Damage: 20/40/60/80
Stack Damage: 30
Damage Cap: 400
Cooldown 3 Mana 35

This is your signature scrub-owning skill. Use your quills for last-hits in lane, teamfights, ganks, what ever the hell you want. Pick your nose with it, shove it up Crystal Maiden's arse, whatever you need.

The best thing is that these little bastards stack damage, up too 400 damage. That's a **** ton of damage, son. Max it out first.

Bristleback

Bristleback takes less damage if hit on the sides or rear. If Bristleback takes 250 damage from the rear, he releases a Quill Spray of the current level.
Reduced Damage (Rear): 16%/24%/32%/40%
Reduced Damage (Side): 8%/12%/16%/20%

Turn your back when the autoattack, thats the golden rule. Let's say you're minding your buinsess in the jungle when suddenly you run into Lina. She blows her ult all over you except you remember to take it in the ***. -40% damage, son. That reduces 950 damage to 380 at max level. Holy ****in ****. But what if you picked up a hood of defiance? BRISTLE GIVES NO ****S ABOUT DAMAGE. NONE AT ALL.

Warpath

Bristleback works himself up into a fury every time he casts a spell, increasing his movement speed and damage. The first stack (base) provides larger bonuses.
Duration: 14
Base Bonus Movement Speed: 5%/7%/10%
Base Bonus Damage: 20/25/30
Stack Bonus Movement Speed: 1%/2%/3%
Stack Bonus Damage: 20/25/30
Max Stacks: 5/6/7

OH **** NOW ITS ON! This is what makes you so ****ing dangerous. Just casting 7 spells will get you 210 damage. If you spray 7 quills and then do one autoattack, you're doing more damage than that ****ty Lina ult we used as an example earlier. Think about it, noob. If you spend 35 mana on a quill spray you get 30 damage for 14 seconds as well as 80 from the quills. BRISTLE SHOULD BE A **********ING ACCOUNTANT BASED ON THE AMOUNT OF VALUE HE GETS OUT OF 35 ****ING MANA!

What to look for at the shopping mall

Power Treads
The shoes of choice on Bristleback. All the delicious attack speed and stats help him kick *** and take names. He will leave imprints on your *** after he kicks it with his shiny new boots.

Ring of Basilius
This ballin bling will solve all your mana problems! Just make sure to deactivate it so your creeps dont own the enemy creeps too hard.


Vanguard
Time to kick *** and take names! The damage block from this item stacks with your passive Bristleback. That means you take even less damage than before. Use your creativity to imagine a world where damage is nonexistent. Well at least the physical damage.

Assault Cuirass
Icefrog made a typo, its actually Assault Queer***. This item synergizes so well with Bristle it's not even funny. Just kidding its ******* hilarious. The attack speed is insane and the armor will make it so you give even less ****s about physical damage. The -armor debuff is a +dmg upgrade for you and your quills.

Pipe of Insight
Smoke weed erryday and give no ****s about magic damage. You have your vanguard and your Assault Queer-***, so drow is already in tears, but now you can make invoker cry too with your shiny new bong.

Heart of Tar***que
You just ripped out the heart of a monster and ate it, and now you're ripped as if you spend 1337 hours benching double decker buses.

Satanic
Oh **** look who just showed up to the party, its Satan! Low on health? Activate satanic and right click, hey look you're on full health now. The strength stats will make you even more ripped then you are right now.

Mjollnir
Bristleback can't carry a game on his own, but hey, sometimes you gotta be Bruce Willis in that movie with the asteroid. If you're going with a damage item Mjollnir is a good choice. The attack speed and active effect will help you out with owning scrubs in teamfights.

Armlet of Mordiggian
This is a fun little item to have so you can bash even more faces in while not giving any ****s about your HP. I wouldn't recommend it over Mjollnir for straight dps but its cheaper.

Heaven's Halberd
Gives you decent damage but also a lot of tankiness from the evasion and the active helps shut down right click carries.

So what the hell do I do now?

Early Game:

You should probably be mid or soloing a lane. Try to get last hits and not die. Simple as that. As soon as you hit level three you have an opportunity for kills. Wait until the lane is pushed and then get them from behind. NO ESCAPE NO MERCY!

Mid Game

This is the time that Bristleback is strongest. You have your Vanguard up and now you can go gank fools. In teamfights try to put yourself in the middle of the battle and spam Q+W. Focus down their carry and then annoying supports first.

Late Game

Late game you will probably be in 1 of three positions.

1. You are well farmed and can own anyone on their team solo. Congratulations, you won DotA. You got the high score. You can turn off the computer now and get some sleep, idiot.

2. You died a few times early and can't really stop their push. You bought your halberd in a desperate attempt to shut down their Void but it wasn't enough. Good try. You'll do better next time. NEVER GO TO BET ON A LOSING GAME ****ER! GET BACK INTO THAT MATCHMAKING QUE AND KICK *** THIS TIME!

3. You're sort of in a weird position where you can't kill them because they're really tanky but they can't kill you because you're too tanky. What you need in this situation is to MAN THE **** UP AND GO RAPIER! YOU CAN'T DIE SO LONG AS YOU TURN YOUR BACK TO THEM! GO BAT **** INSANE! WHO CARES ABOUT CONSEUQENCES? Nah just kidding. But you do need to get yourself a damage item. Think about an armlet or a mjollnir.

Best Buds and Hater Scrubs

Buds:

Slardar:

Hey look 2 stuns, secent right click and an ult that synergizes perfectly with your right clicks ans quills. 10/10 would def bang.

Kotl:

Giff me chakra mayjic allows you to spam so many quills that your enemies will be exuding a puddle of blood,snot,tears and piss.

Bounty Hunter/Nyx Assassin/Pudge/etc:

Any sort of ganker is amazing in lane with a bristleback, because of your Viscous Nasal Goo. A massive slow and armor reduction will make any of these heroes get easy kills. FEED ME MORE SCUMLORDS.

Scrubs:

Anybody with a silence:

Anyone who can stop bristle sneezing and quilling fools is a complete bastard. If you arent casting your warpath aint stacking.

Conclusion

YOU ARE NOW TRAINED IN BRISTLE-FU! Get out there and make your dreams of a beyond godlike rampage come true.

Signing off,

WEATHERORNOT

P.S. Check out the ALL NEW AXE GUIDE RIGHT HERE!!