"Pawn takes rook."
"Knight to E5. Check."
"Remind me again where we are going," Lanaya said, interrupting. Arash turned from the game, Dragonus still studying the board intensely. The Assassin was sitting on a windowsill, passing the time with a book of some kind. He couldn't blame her for being relatively anti-social, considering how comparatively terrible she was at chess to the two locked in furious combat.
"You wanted to see my past," Arash replied. "We are going to it."
She raised an eyebrow. "At the start, your vagueness was almost enticing. Now, it's just irritating."
"There are bad memories at this place," he said gravely. "The less I speak of it the better." His response was met with a shrug, and Lanaya returned to her book. The carriage they travelled in rolled smoothly along the roads, dragged along as it were by two steeds of Avernus. Abaddon hadn't trusted anyone else to drive them, so he had done so himself.
It turned out that the Skywrath Mage had accepted Arash's proposal rather willingly and so the party of four - Terrorblade had remained to oversee developments in the Ancient War - had set off towards this destination where the Psychomancer hoped he would find an answer. Tensions were high - none of the group fully trusted the other.
"Bishop takes knight."
Without glancing back at the game, Arash replied, "Queen to B7. Checkmate."
"Well played," the Skywrath Mage admitted grudgingly. The Psychomancer flashed a madcap grin.
"At least tell us how long until we arrive at this destination." Lanaya's voice rose again through the hostile air.
Arash considered this, racking his memory. "Two days, at the least. We will need to find places to stop."
"I know of a tavern, about three hours from here," Dragonus offered. "It is not the most reputable of places, most wayward roadside inns rarely are, but I can guarantee you that the mere fact of our identities would ensure safe lodgings for the night. We can be there by dusk."
"It is as good an opportunity as any," the Templar Assassin replied. "What say you, Arash?"
He grunted noncommittally. "If we stop there, word will reach others. News of us may return to the Ancients. We can take refuge in this place, but…"
Silence encapsulated the party, until Lanaya spoke up with what he was thinking. "We will have to kill them."
"Yes."
"I will have no part in this."
"Nor I," Dragonus growled. "We shall suffer the road."
Arash shrugged. "As you wish, but do not expect any comfort at our destination. All we shall find there are shadows, ghosts, and whispers of memories best left forgotten."
At this ominous statement, he lapsed into silence and all that was left was the creaking of the carriage's wheels upon the road. Arash suspected that Dragonus knew of the place they were destined to but did not broach the subject with him. Already, he could see the place in his mind, a rook standing over the pawns as a mad bishop cackles from its parapets. It would have changed with time, yet the place was like Avernus - persistent, omnipresent through the dimming light of the world.
Time would not take it. But it would take them all.
_______________________________
"We lost another three today," Rubick announced. Tresdin sighted, rubbing her head.
"What happened," she asked.
"Lina, Boush and the Ogre Magi were ambushed by what we believe was a planes-walker - the Spirit Breaker, to be precise. The Tinker did manage to use his contraptions to fend off the creature, but the resultant explosion annihilated a large section of the forest, as well as all four combatants."
"Three today, two yesterday. We are running out of Heroes," the Legion Commander stated. "Are there any new arrivals, at least? Preferably ones that can defeat a planes-walker without requiring to self-destruct?"
"None today, but the Worldsmith did defeat the Lich today," her advisor replied. Tresdin had been placed in unofficial command of strategy shortly after her arrival, and relied on Rubick to assist in intelligence-gathering, since the half-satyr Riki had been… unmade by the being they called the Weaver.
"And word of where the Skywrath Mage and Templar Assassin have gone?" She suspected that Lanaya, at least, was dead at the hands of the escaped Psychomancer, but Dragonus would not have fallen easily, his Skywrath sorcery making him more than a match for a rogue human mind-mage.
"Nothing so far, but I have wards and watchers from here to the Bleeding Foothills. If anyone spots them, I will know within the hour."
The new commander nodded approvingly. "That will have to do."
"One other thing, commander," Rubick added, hesitantly. "There is a personage who is here to see you."
She raised an eyebrow. "Well, send him in."
Rubick opened the door and in waddled an old man wearing white robes.
"I'm looking for my brother," he said, waving a hand weakly. "I heard he had arrived here."
"Your brother?" Tresdin was mildly confused. "He'd be far too old to fight, wouldn't he?"
The crotchety old man shook his head. "No, no, no, he must be here. He would be nowhere else!"
She was growing impatient, there were far more pressing matters to attend to than this. "Old man, your brother would not have arrived here, since I assume he would be roughly your age. But if you give me his name, I tell you if I see him."
"Io. The Wisp."
Shock snapped over the room like it had been struck by a thunderbolt.
"And, uh, you are?..." Tresdin prompted. The newly-declared Fundamental smiled warmly.
"I am known across the worlds as the Keeper of the Light, but I prefer… Ezalor," he said. "I am here to bring a light amidst this dark war."
"Of course, you're welcome," Legion Commander said hesitantly, "but it shall not be a pleasant experience…"
"Not for anyone," Ezalor replied sagely. "For now that I am here, he will be coming."
"Who?" Rubick asked.
"Where goes a light, follows a shadow to snuff us all out…"
The building itself seemed to grow darker as the Fundamental made this declaration. Tresdin knew who he spoke of - for who would dare hunt after a Fundamental but another?
Who but the Chaos Knight?
______________________________
Matters were accelerating. War was reaching a crescendo in the bloodstained lanes. Kael's interest had been piqued long ago by the Ancients, but only now as a sense of foreboding overcame him did the Invoker grace the war with his presence.
His eyes blazed with the storms of Wex as he scried the middle lane. The ruins of his tower behind him offered some form of cover. Across the river, which both sides of creeps were engaged in an orgy of violence, the water painted a deep crimson.
At the foot of the Radiant tower, Kael saw a knight standing there, wielding a massive blade. As he watched, the warrior leapt down before cleaving the entire wave of Dire creeps in twain with a single swing.
Focusing his intellect, Kael saw the confrontation's end, and moved into action.
Wex Quas Wex.
He rose, spinning around rapidly and throwing his hand out in a slashing gesture. A tornado formed in an instant, catapulting towards the knight, who was flung high into the air.
Quas Quas Exort.
A wall of ice formed as Kael's victim slammed into the ground, reducing his movement to less than a crawl.
Quas Quas Quas.
The knight's bones began to snap as a cold spike ripped through him. Kael allowed himself a small smile as he raised a hand to the sky for the final blow to crush the gnat.
Exort Exort Exort.
The three blazing orbs appeared around him, and the skies erupted into flame, a gout of heat striking the ground where his foe was entrapped. A massive boom rocked the lane, knocking down the creeps that had survived the skirmish. Kael strode down arrogantly to inspect the aftermath, kicking carelessly at the pile of ash that had once been a Hero. While his armour had been pulped by the arcane forces unleashed with reckless fury, the sword remained.
"The Outcast Blade," Kael said, approvingly. "Didn't save you this time, did it, little insect?"
He turned and strode away, making sure his cloak swirled behind him imposingly. "You died as you lived: insipid and ignorant."
It somewhat surprised him to see a demon at the foot of the tower, shadowy and lithe. The creature floated almost serenely above the ground, dark specks of matter flittering around him like moths at a flame. Kael knew this one - he knew most demons, having summoned a few for his own purposes on numerous occasions. So this was the legendary Shadow Fiend, the soul collector.
"Risen from myth to join the cause?" he asked. The demon laughed, the sound whipping at the Invoker's ears.
"I wouldn't miss it. It's the perfect time to start a new collection!" he said, cheerily. "I sought out you personally for this!"
Kael readied two Quas orbs and a Wex orbs for a quick escape if needed. "You will not take my soul."
"No, no, no, no, no, not your soul, no, no!" the demon cackled madly. "I would employ your talents, yes indeed, yes!"
Curiosity piqued, Invoker gave him an arrogant look. "Why is this worth my time?"
"I have much I can give to a soul like you! All for one little task, just one little task, Invoker, yes, yes…"
"What is this 'little task'?" the sorcerer asked, orbs flickering between the ten combinations as the eye could blink.
"I have a pet, who I fear has gone missing." Kael swore that the demon was pouting. "I trust he will return soon, but I would ask you to look out for him, make sure he not only survives, but in this war thrives!"
"And your pet is?..." he coaxed.
Nevermore barked. "Have you heard, my friend, of the Psychomancer?"
"No."
The demon looked greatly crestfallen. His cheeriness was starting to irritate Kael. "Most magi have," Nevermore said.
"Most magi are beneath my notice. I do not see why this one would be any different."
The Shadow Fiend shrugged. "If you see him, you will remember him. Will you do as I ask?"
"I will - for a reward, of course."
"More power, I assume?"
"The energies of a demon are a great asset in many spells. Those of the Lower demons, like you, are even greater."
"You will have your power!" Nevermore announced loudly. "The pact is sealed!"
Kael had no doubt that the demon's 'pet' was more than equipped to deal with any mortal force in the Ancient War, and smart enough to avoid immortal forces - as far as routes to power go, this one was especially easy.
With that done, Invoker turned his attention back to the lane. Exort, Quas, Exort, and two fiery spirits appeared beside him.
He had a tower to raze.
NO!!! :O
Well hope you did not loose other important stuff though.
Ehh, not a huge amount of stuff, but a lot of important schoolwork and a couple of my musical compositions...
Like I said, I hope I can get them back off the hard drive.
Well hope you did not loose other important stuff though.
Sorry :(
Definitely noting what you've said (I'd be stupid not to). Act III was, retrospectively, a little unpolished but from what I've written of Act V I'm happy with that - there's a lot of Gothic elements even more evident in that part.
And as for Unscathed's comment, I do not go out of my way to include or avoid kinds of language ;)
And of course there will be a Rubick-Invoker connection. No way I'd miss that!
great writing :)
your character progression is really good, lovely movement through out the story.
some words used incorrectly but not in such a way as to stand out.
i love love love the character introductions. 8/10 on that amazing work.
your transitions i feel are not as strong as they could be. They have the feel of a theatre play with the setting seen instead of described. which in and of itself is not bad but if you made this transition smoother
Matters were accelerating. War was reaching a crescendo in the bloodstained lanes. Kael's interest had been piqued long ago by the Ancients, but only now as a sense of foreboding overcame him did the Invoker grace the war with his presence.
this felt forced/weak/lacking substance. Your bringing the reader from one setting to another quickly. now if theatre and movies and tv shows the viewer can "see" the transition and has visual cues but as a reader the first .... i like to say "3 sentences" are what give the reader their "visual" cues so that transition though good writing i feel wasnt as strong as your other ones.. like this:
Kardel gazed down the barrel of his sniper rifle, looking for the perfect shot. From his vantage point, a ridge above the middle lane, he could see over a large stretch of river, and all he had to do was wait until some unfortunate Dire hero appeared, and their head would become a red mist faster than they could comprehend their death.
^ that was an amazing start to a chapter. you provided the character, the setting, the situation and the purpose. that is a perfect transition/start. this looks like a professional writers work.
your first and second acts were solid and incredible work. the last two i have started seeing some drops in pace and weaknesses.
remember take your time. read re read re read re read. run though synonyms because some words are better then others for certain sentences.
The demon looked greatly crestfallen. His cheeriness was starting to irritate Kael. "Most magi have," Nevermore said.
"greatly"?, that's a misuse try "profoundly".
"cheeriness" try placing a levelling word before it like incessant or relentless, it gives the reader a "level" of the emotion. so "incessant cheerfulness" might work.
but apart from those things dude...
when your done compile it review it extend it add what ever you want and send it to me and ill have my friend have a look at it she works for a publishing company. this shows promise :) and you never know ... she might like it.
But otherwise, NNNNIIIIIICCCCEEEEE
No more swearings i see
Found it to be better than the previous one.
Also, will we get to see the Rubick- Invoker connection?